‘I was clinically depressed and had suicidal thoughts around 2009 to 2011’: Robin Uthappa

Uthappa has played 46 ODIs and 13 T20Is for India.

Robin Uthappa | APMental health has been an issue in cricket for some time and it is heartening to see that the players are now opening up about it without much hesitation.

Indian cricketer Robin Uthappa has become the latest to speak out on this matter, revealing that he was suffering from depression and had suicidal thoughts on a daily basis between 2009 and 2011.

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Uthappa, who made his India debut in 2006, has played 46 ODIs and 13 T20Is for the country so far. His last international match came in 2015 during the tour of Zimbabwe.

"When I made my debut in 2006, I wasn't overtly aware of myself. A lot of learning and development has happened since then. Right now, I am extremely aware of myself and really clear on my thoughts and myself. It's easier for me to catch myself now if I'm slipping somewhere in someplace," Uthappa said while speaking in the second session of 'Mind, Body and Soul', a platform brought forward by The Royal Rajasthan Foundation, in association with NS Vahia Foundation & McLean Hospital (Harvard Medical School Affiliate).

"I feel I ‘ve reached this place because I've gone through those tough phases wherein, I was clinically depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis.

"There were times where I wasn't even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind. I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what's happening to my life and in which direction am I heading.

"Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the offseason. On days I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I'm going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back.

"That is when I started noting this down about myself in a diary and started the process of just understanding myself as a person. I then started to seek outside help to make those changes I wanted to make in my life," he added.

The 34-year-old batsman further said he has no regrets in his life with the experiences he has had.

"I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. I'm someone who believes in the balance of life and I believe one cannot at all times be positive in life. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one's own growth," Uthappa said.

"For me, all my experiences have moulded me into the person I am today and I have no regrets on my negative experience as they've helped me develop positively.

"You need to go through the lulls to make you feel ecstatic about the positives. I feel life is about balance and we can't have it one way, a lopsided life is not going to be great, both negative and positive experiences are essential," he further stated.

Under normal circumstances, Robin Uthappa would have played for Rajasthan Royals in the 13th edition of Indian Premier League. But the ongoing COVID-19 outbreak forced the BCCI to suspend the cash-rich event ‘until further notice’.

(With IANS inputs)


By Salman Anjum - 04 Jun, 2020

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