Not seeing my dad before he died as I was playing in IPL made me hate cricket- Ben Stokes

Stokes also talked about dealing with mental health issues after taking a break from the game.

England all-rounder and Test captain Ben Stokes has opened up about the instance when he began hating cricket. He also talked about his mental health and other issues when he took a break from the game.

Stokes took a rest from the game last year to focus on his mental health as he was suffering from a series of panic attacks following the loss of his father to brain cancer almost two years ago. Most recently, he retired from one-day cricket citing the “unsustainable” rigor of playing all three formats of the game.

The England Test captain revealed that he resented playing cricket when he took a break, especially because he was unable to visit his father one last time before he passed away as he was busy playing in the Indian Premier League (IPL).

“The last time I saw Dad was leaving New Zealand to go to the Indian Premier League – that was dictated by cricket. He wanted me to go, he really loved me playing for Rajasthan Royals and the people there. But it made me hate cricket, I thought it was the reason I didn’t see my dad before he died. I should have opened up about it sooner – I just thought ‘cricket, cricket, cricket. It’s not a regret … but I’d do things differently,” Stokes said.

"Always had it at the back of my mind"- Ben Stokes opens up on his decision to retire from ODI cricket

“So I had a real thing with cricket at the time I took a break. I was really angry at the sport because it was dictating when I could see my dad,” he told the Telegraph in an interview.

Stokes also spoke about his mental health issues and how he deals with anxiety attacks now.

“I never thought I would be on medication to help me for that kind of stuff. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to say it because I needed the help at the time. But it’s not done just because I’m back playing. I still speak to the doc, but not as regularly, and I’m still taking medication every day. It’s an ongoing process,” Stokes said in an Amazon documentary, which will be released on Friday.

“I find sometimes people are a bit nervous to go into the detail about that kind of stuff with me. It’s perceived you can’t feel a certain way – that’s a sign of weakness to show that you are not mentally feeling great. People think they can’t ask people who have struggled. No. It’s fine. I’ll happily tell you as much as I possibly can,” the all-rounder added.

(Reuters inputs)